Grief is a universal experience, but most of us automatically think of death. In therapy rooms over the past two decades, I’ve witnessed clients carry grief from losses that society rarely acknowledges. Whether it’s the end of a friendship, the loss of identity, or heartbreak over a changing planet—these losses are real, and they matter.
Our grief counseling team at Bergen Counseling Collective, led by Jeremiah Bergen, MS, LCPC, helps clients navigate this. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to talk with a therapist.
What is “Grief” Anyway?
Grief is most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, but in reality it can stem from many types of loss. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), “grief is the anguish experienced after significant loss,” and it isn’t always due to a death. In fact, grief can arise from less-recognized life changes such as losing a job, going through a divorce, experiencing a decline in health, or even facing unmet personal expectations. When we broaden our understanding of what counts as a loss, we can better validate our feelings and support others who are grieving.
Grief isn’t just a reaction to death—it’s your mind’s response to a meaningful loss. According to Cleveland Clinic, “grief involves coping with loss…Death, divorce and the loss of a home are all major events that people grieve” That broad definition creates room for many underreported types of grief.
Beyond Bereavement: Grieving Loss
Any significant change or ending can trigger a genuine grief response. There are many types of loss that people may grieve. Some examples include:
- Tangible losses: Physical or material losses, such as losing your job, losing your home, or losing certain abilities due to declining health
- Intangible losses: Abstract or emotional losses, such as a loss of identity or sense of self, loss of trust or security, or the loss of deeply held dreams and expectations for the future
Because intangible losses lack a visible event (like a funeral) to mark them, people experiencing them may not even realize at first that what they are feeling is grief. It’s important to remember that if something was important to you and it’s now gone or changed, it’s valid to grieve over it. For instance, breakups or estrangement from family can cause profound sadness and mourning, even though others might dismiss these as “less significant”. By expanding the definition of grief to include all these various losses, we give ourselves permission to mourn and process change instead of minimizing our emotions.
Types of Non-Death Grief People Experience
Disenfranchised grief
When people around you don’t validate your sorrow—like grieving a pet, a miscarriage, or a divorce—you’re facing disenfranchised grief. As defined by Dr. Kenneth Doka, this grief is not acknowledged as legitimate by society. You may feel invisible or like you don’t have the right to mourn.
Ambiguous loss
This shows up when closure isn’t possible—like an addiction that leaves someone ‘gone’, a missing person, or a fading memory due to dementia. This emotional limbo blocks healing because the grief process can’t reach a resolution.
Anticipatory grief
Grieving before a loss—even non-death ones. Think: a terminal illness, an impending breakup, or layoffs at work. It’s more common than we realize, and though it can help prepare us, it also brings anxiety and exhaustion.
Ecological grief
A newer grief born from environmental loss—climate change, deforestation, species extinction. It’s real and growing, especially among communities closely tied to land. This “eco‑grief” blends sorrow with anxiety.
Prolonged (or complicated) grief
Most recognized after death, but possible with other losses too. When you’re consumed by grief for six months to a year or more, unable to move forward, that’s a red flag. Clinicians recognize “prolonged grief disorder” or “complicated grief” as a legitimate mental health issue. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and time, by itself, doesn’t heal all wounds created by grief.
The Overlapping Reality of Grief
People rarely experience just one type. For instance:
After a divorce, you might feel disenfranchised grief because friends expect you to move on.
You may experience ambiguous loss if your ex remains close or unwell.
Anticipatory grief could have preceded the breakup, especially if it felt inevitable.
And if months later, you’re still falling apart, complicated grief may need attention.
Each layer adds depth and complexity. Validation becomes critical.
Why Loss of Identity Hurts So Much
Life changes—like becoming empty-nesters, career shifts, or retirement—often shake our identity. You’re left wondering: Who am I now? This existential grief is real and deeply destabilizing. According to grief experts, loss doesn’t have to be “big” to bring big feelings—a child’s lost toy is no less valid than a throne’s crown.
Sadness vs Grief: What is the Difference?
Grief and sadness often feel intertwined, but they’re not the same. Sadness is an emotion—temporary and often linked to a specific disappointment. Grief, on the other hand, is a process. It’s a full-body, full-heart response to loss that can involve many emotions: sadness, yes, but also anger, guilt, confusion, even relief. While sadness may come and go, grief reshapes your internal landscape. It can change how you see yourself, your relationships, and the future. Grief asks you to adapt to a new reality without something—or someone—you deeply valued. It’s not just about feeling bad; it’s about learning how to live differently.
How Grief Shows Up (not just tears)
Grief doesn’t always look like sadness. It can be:
Anger (directed at yourself, others, or fate)
Guilt over things unsaid or undone
Physical symptoms (headaches, stomach aches, insomnia)
Avoidance, where you ignore reminders—like that friend who always signs your pet’s social updates
Emotional numbness—shutting down because the hurt is too big
Healing from Grief: A Therapist’s Perspective
In therapy, grief work centers on validation, meaning, and reintegration.
1. Validate the loss
Saying “Yes, that matters” is powerful. I encourage clients to name their grief—“I’m grieving my life before parenthood” or “I’m missing how I felt in my old job.” Language itself helps validate.
2. Meaning-making
We explore what the loss intended to teach them. Research shows that finding meaning after loss supports resilience and emotional health. It might mean learning boundaries, compassion, or clarity about your values.
3. Ritual and expression
We create personal rituals: planting a tree after a breakup, having a ceremony for a beloved pet, journaling environmental grief in a community group. Ritual signals respect for your pain—and helps the brain process it.
4. Community connection
Grief thrives in silence. Local groups like The Dinner Party host partial rituals for young adults who’ve lost non‑death relationships. Peer‑support spaces normalize the experience and break isolation.
5. Professional help when needed
If grief is disabling or persistent, therapy can help. Complicated grief—about 7–10% after death, and similar stats likely follow other major losses —responds well to targeted treatments, like complicated grief therapy
What You Can Do Today
Speak your truth to someone you trust.
Journal or create something to honor your loss.
Join a support community or grief group.
Seek therapy if grief is lasting longer than expected or is paralyzing.
Life hands us losses at every turn—jobs, relationships, health, home, identity. Each carries a grief that deserves recognition. The heartache may be invisible to others, but it’s real and valid. You don’t have to have died to deserve grief—just to have loved and lost. Healing begins when your grief is seen, named, and respected.
If you, or someone you care about, is stuck in grief—don’t wait. Reach out for support. The therapists at Bergen Counseling Collective have training and experience working with many different types of grief. You’re not weak for grieving. You’re human.
Clinically reviewed by Jeremiah Bergen, MS, LCPC, founder of Bergen Counseling Collective.
